On A Positive Note

Written by Sondra Jeffries and (her son) Wesley Zackery

When the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change, surely we will move.

Desolation, agony, torment, despair. I could see no way into the right decision and no way out of the wrong one.

In 2022, incarceration saved my life. I believe it was the avenue God used. After a little time, my mind was reasoning better. I spoke to my son every week. In his sorrow, he was still able to encourage me: “Mom, when you get out of jail this time, all that you have to do is not do that stuff. Just don’t do it, Mom.”

Wesley Zackery (left) is spending the summer with his mother, Sondra Jeffries (right). Photo courtesy of Sondra Jeffries

My heart deflated. I would. I would just not do it. His pain, our pain, forced me to move.

Today, I am building a relationship with both of my sons: my eldest, Jacob (30), and my baby, Wesley (15). I have not been homeless since the day I left jail. Where I, along with my God, had a will, there was a way.

I finally realized that the relationship with my children would grow only when I grew. In order for that to happen, I have to commit to my life, or I cannot commit to theirs.

Life is not easy, but I make it simple by just letting life happen and not trying to force it. I do my best to fill my time educating myself, and it feels great when I stretch myself to grow and see the results.

I had to let go of the idea that I would have my son in my custody full-time. My whole life, I focused on others and tried to provide security to them. Codependency is exhausting. My son is going to graduate because his dad encouraged and disciplined him like a father who does not make guilt payments.

I am blessed to be given the opportunity to be responsible and fly my son here for Christmas and summers. I save every dime I make so that I can make sure this happens. I do so gratefully. It’s a wonderful thing when everything is taken away and one learns the truth about what matters in this life and what truly does not. For me, I believe that’s what needed to happen.

I told Wesley (my precious son) that he would be given the opportunity for his voice to be heard.

“This is the positive note. I want to say that my mom is the one person I trust with telling things that I would never tell anyone else. I know she loves me. The time I have to spend with her has healed old wounds. She is not my friend; she is my mom. I love her, and I am glad that my grandma's and my prayers every night brought her back into my life.”

Today, as we spend time together, I am a completely different mother and human. The things that I used to let drain my energy—like being frustrated over things that I can't change or being unwilling to change the things that I can—are not positive for my life and are not even hard decisions to make anymore. When things are hard, I do them. When they are simple, I enjoy them.

I have realized that reciprocity—the gift that keeps giving and comes full circle—is a real thing. I give anywhere I can, and when I feel like I can't give is exactly when I do. I am constantly surprised that somehow I am always provided for. The Denver VOICE newspaper has really helped me heal by allowing me to express myself through art and writing. It also supplements my income.

If you can give, please do. Whether it is to the VOICE another vendor, or me, it will be greatly appreciated!

With love for all, positively yours,

Sondra