By Sondra Jeffries

My name is Sondra Jeffries. I would like to share with you my story of hope. For whatever reason, whether it be genetic predisposition, mental health, or my upbringing, I have made choices that have led to homelessness and addiction, but that have also led me out of those situations into a full and rich life.

For every choice, there is a consequence; this is the pattern of our lives. Whether the consequence is positive or negative depends on the choice and the will of that choice.

Let me explain. I believe for every thought we think, every word we speak, or every action we take, there is a positive or negative consequence. Throughout my journey, I have been in the depths of depravity. It’s almost impossible to explain what I have been through for you to understand. At my time of deepest sorrow, disconnection from God, disbelief that my life had become “this”, and complete disorientation, doubt, and confusion, I had been homeless for five years, getting little sleep, and I was in great fear, constantly. This was the kind of fear that kept me frozen. I was hearing at least 12 voices daily, all people I knew, mostly family, plus I could hear what everybody I encountered was thinking – all directing me to do this, to not do that, answering questions for me, and choosing my consequence for every action I took.

I would hear my youngest son in pain, screaming out for his mom that he had not seen, and had only talked to on occasion for five years. I would walk around Denver in too much of a mental panic to even be able to pull up my pants properly. This is not all I was going through mentally, but like I said, there is no way for me to explain.

Now, I am not diagnosed with schizophrenia, but with amphetamine-induced psychosis. (This is the clinical

term. I call it spiritual warfare.) What got me to this place was a choice to take Adderall, a medication prescribed to me for my extreme case of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, ADHD. This disorder has caused problems since early childhood. However, I also have a traumatic brain injury from domestic abuse, and I have mental health problems resulting from abuse starting in childhood. Any amphetamine, even one prescribed to me, makes me hear voices after a period of time. I never knew this until this state of homelessness, and I believe it started when I had my traumatic brain injury, because I never experienced it before.

Amphetamines helped me to calm down and focus, but after extended use, the voices get louder and more frequent. It’s when they start leaving my system that I get stuck, and the sensory overload completely takes over, but when they are completely out of my system, the voices subside. But for quite a while after the confusion about these voices continued, I’m still delusional, making it hard to make the right decision because I truly don’t recognize that it’s the amphetamines causing the voices, and I am in a completely different realm where this is reality.

My voices dictate to me. This is why, when I started self-medicating with street drugs after an abusive situation where I had to make the choice to send my son with his father, I was constantly in search of just a little bit to stop the voices for a minute, so I could refocus and figure my life out, so I could get back to my son. I had full custody of him until he was 8, and for the next 5 years, getting him back was my only desire. I was devastated that my life was spiraling, and the people I love so very much, my two boys, were separated from me.

Now imagine going through this, trying to make the right choices. Well, this is where the hope comes in. In all this, I never lost hope. I felt hopeless, but I always believed that things could change – but how?

Through the years, I was hospitalized and incarcerated numerous times. I would be able to talk to my precious son. I would make plans to do something different, yet because I would go right back to the streets, the plans failed. It was not until 2022 that, for the last time, I was incarcerated. I say that incarceration was a blessing, and this time, it was long enough for me to mentally heal a bit – just enough to make a plan.

I had spent four months in jail for throwing all the plants in front of King Soopers around in a fit of rage, due to hearing voices constantly. As you can imagine, my stays in shelters were short; agencies refused to help me out, and my family did not or could not have me around. I was really alone. I was not without hope. I got down on my knees in jail. I prayed nonstop. I knew when I was released this time, it was going to be different.

In jail, I eventually stopped hearing voices. I made a plan to go directly to the only shelter that would still help, Gift of Mary. I needed to act fast; my shelter stay was only a month.

How do I repair five years in one month? Positivity was my only answer. Even though I had a knot in my stomach and plenty of fear, I spoke positively, and I thought positively. For sure, there was hope. I needed to apply for housing, food, and use any resource I could find to pull myself up.

This is why this paper is so valuable. PLEASE LISTEN!!! THE VOICE GIVES HOPE IN A HOPELESS SITUATION!

After a month, just by a thread, literally one day before, I was back on the street. I found a faith-based sober living house that accepted me through Open Door Ministry, where I had peer support. I was on my way running. I spent every waking moment doing, speaking, and thinking positively, and my faith told me to hold on to hope. My choices had positive consequences. I applied for permanent housing through every avenue I could. I got help with mental health and case management through WellPower.

Willing positive things to happen, in six months, I received housing by doing an assessment with a case manager through the Gathering Place called VI-SPDAT, or the Vulnerability Index–Service Prioritization Decision Assistance Tool.

Today, I have three years free from my deepest despair.

My son comes from South Carolina every summer and Christmas to see me. He just turned 15. In 2023, I published my first children’s book that he and I wrote together when he was just 4 years old, called” The Hunt For The Brighter Side.”

My oldest son lives in the same building I do - two floors down from me. He just turned 30, and he just celebrated four years of sobriety. He has been my biggest support! I have my family again. I have made amends, and through it all, I have kept hope and remained positive.

Today, I am certified to provide peer support, but I am not yet working as a peer supporter; however, with my determination, I have faith it will be soon. Until then, being a vendor here at the VOICE keeps me going.

Even when I am in my desired profession, I will continue to vend for Christmas money, birthday money, and money to pay for my son to fly here twice a year. Also, because I believe in what this paper does, the lives it impacts. I will keep writing about my journey and how there are so many opportunities, even in a broken world, to find hope and to see the brighter side, even if you have to hunt for it.

With love for all people,

Let my words speak volumes.

Sondra Jeffries

On a Positive Note

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